Memories
by TheWeaselette
Summary: Severus Snape remembers Lily just before his death. Oneshot. Rated T. R


**Memories**

She was so beautiful, wasn't she? Her green eyes, her red hair... To me, she was the most beautiful creature on the planet.

I still beat myself over that prophecy I overheard. It was my end. I should never have told the Dark Lord what I had heard. I destroyed myself. I loved her so much, but I still got her killed. The irony of it, huh? The only girl, no, woman, that I wanted, no, that I loved, had to be murdered because of my mistake.

I think Dumbledore always knew how much I loved Lily. Not just when I begged him to hide her, but in school, also. Somehow, when she spent time with Potter, Dumbledore always gave me this special look. It wasn't pity, it was understanding. He understood what I was going through, how much I used to hate Potter and his friends, not just for bullying me, but for stealing Lily from me, too.

And, yes, I did say "used to hate". As hard as it is to believe it, I don't hate Potter anymore. He was the one to invite me to their wedding, after all. He said that he was sorry for everything he had done in the past and that he hopes that I could forgive him. I did. Well, a part of me, anyways. That jealous part of me will continue hating him.

When he invited me to the wedding, he said that even Lily and I weren't friends anymore, she would want me to come. I didn't go. I couldn't stand seeing her marry someone else.

The last time I spoke to her, it was the day she… they… the day baby Potter survived the curse. I told her what I have done, what I have told the Dark Lord. I told her that she had to run, hide. She did something unimaginable: she forgave me. She said that the Dark Lord is probably on his way already and that there was no point in hiding. She thanked me for warning her and said that, if she survived, we could be friends again, one day.

I immediately went to Dumbledore, to ask him, to beg him to keep her safe. He couldn't. I miss her so much.

My Patronus was a snake the first few years of my life. I was very young when I learned the spell. It changed shortly after I met her. It changed when I fell in love. Sometimes, when I'm alone, I cast the spell and when I look at that doe, I feel like she's next to me.

I think the Dark Lord is planning to kill me. I'm not afraid of death. I saw him watch me today, with a puzzled expression. I know that it's coming and I'm not going to run away. I will see her again. I won't mind that she's with him. What was that Muggle saying: If you truly love something, set it free. I am going to set her free.

I don't hate Harry Potter because he reminds me of James. I actually don't hate the boy at all. But, If I hated him, it would be because he reminds me of her too much. His eyes, her eyes, they haunt me. I remember the way she smiled, the way she laughed, the way she cried. The boy is just a reminder of Lily and James, of how happy they were together. That's why I can't look at him.

There's a battle going on now. At Hogwarts, of course. The Dark Lord thinks that Potter will come and surrender: he probably will. I promised to protect him, and yet, Dumbledore failed to mention that the boy had to die.

I wonder how the Dark Lord never realized I changed sides. Actually, I know. He never understood love. He thought I was barely lusting for her. He could never understand how strongly I felt for her.

Lucius is entering the room. He's telling me that the Dark Lord wants to see me. I know what's coming and I can't stop it. The Dark Lord has told me about the Elder wand. He thinks that I am it's master, now that I have killed Dumbledore. I don't know what to think about that. Dumbledore wouldn't have overlooked something like this, would he?

I go into the Shrieking Shack. The Dark Lord is waiting for me. I beg him to let me go to the castle to bring him Potter. I have to warn the boy, I have to tell him what he has to do. The Dark Lord won't let me. Now I'm completely certain that he is about to kill me. I act surprised, I beg, but of course, he won't listen.

He's letting Nagini out of her cage now. She bites me and the pain is unbelievable. I have never felt pain so strong before. Well, physical pain, anyways. The Dark Lord leaves me to die, but then I see Potter leaning over me. I know that this is my only chance and I tell him to take my memories. My whole life, pouring into a flask Granger created.

I tell him to look at me. When I look in those eyes, I feel like I'm a child again, watching her on that swing. I'm dying, but I still feel wonderful. Everytime I look in those eyes, her eyes, I know that, no matter what happens, everything will be alright in the end.


End file.
